Asthma rant

Rant ahead.  Asthma the blown off disease.  What do I mean by blown off disease?  What I mean is that most people think its not a big deal and just blow it off.  It gets on my nerves as a parent with a child that suffers from Asthma and not the form most people are used to (he doesn't wheeze just coughs or his throat sucks in).  Yes I know I go on and on about this but its important to me.  I almost lost my youngest due to undiagnosed asthma which long story short he had a lung started to collapse so he ended up in our states children's hospital in ICU (by life flight) for about 2 days then in the normal portion for a couple more days (don't ask exact days as it was about 5 years ago).  Since then I have had so many people actually shocked that I make him carry his asthma inhaler in a fanny pack that when he remembers it, he carries all the time.   Anyway back to the topic. Asthma is not something to be messed with. Asthma does kill people yes not as many as it did before the invent of inhaler medicine but it still does (deaths per 100,000 population 1.1 via the CDC website).  It is not something to just blow off.  I am tired of people acting like its no big deal it is.  Yes some people can keep it under control or only have some minor attacks but not everyone is like that.  It took us a couple of years to figure out what cause most of my sons triggers which are all four of the common triggers which illness, exercise, food (yes it can trigger attacks food coloring is a big one for my son), or environmental.  However he still will have attacks that flare up for no reason.  Before you still think its no big deal think about all of sudden having to gasp for air and can't catch a breath its not fun.  The reason why I am going over this is that I was thinking of how society is so not understanding or even knowledgeable about asthma now days. I am just tired of the attitude its no big deal its not like heart problems or physical disabilities. But it can be a very serious issue not to be taken lightly.   So please if someone tells you that they have asthma or their child does, do not blow them off or ignore them.  I take this issue very seriously as it is close to my heart. I do understand how it feels to have asthma because as a child I had it also but mine was just from exercise and being around smokers. Also I did not have severe attacks but I still take it seriously.  So again please don't blow off asthma like its just a paper cut.

Rant over.

Look back at 2014 and forward to 2015

Well this year I am going to start with a typical type post reviewing things in my life from last year.  Then put goals for 2015 down.

2014

1. Walked the Color Run in May.
2. MIL moved out in August.
3. Family member had major stroke and heart attack in the end of August.
4. Learned major lesson on dealing with extreme hoarders don't ever I mean ever let them while in the hospital say its ok to get rid of stuff.  The are not thinking straight.  Even if you think its a good idea its not!  Yes we cleaned some trust me not enough but it is all back to that way again and we still get complaints about stuff that was buried and broken we got rid of but they decided now the items were wanted.
5. Thanks to the hoarder lesson I have been on kick to purge my house I don't want to do that to my family.
6. Started working on getting in better shape even lost about 20 pounds that is hard for someone with Hypothryoidism and cause of my past weight issues its also a mental game for me. 
7. Started wearing pants again.  The story behind that was my hubby bought me a pair to wear so I could go hunting with him without getting caught in the branches.  Anyway I was hiking in the hills with him and realized my hip did not pop out once while hiking like it usually did.  See my hips have a tendency to pop out easily.  So we decided that I need to wear pants again on and off since they do help with keeping my hips in place.
8. Learned that crazy people are still crazy no matter how nice you are.
9. Learned how precious my kids are.  For Christmas this year I was blown away by their kind attitudes about gifts. Our oldest only wanted headphones to replace the ones his brother broke and clothes.  Our youngest told me that we got him too many gifts, we only got him a Bach cd (he loves classical music) and 3 new lego sets (2 small ones and a medium one, Amazon around Christmas has an excellent lego sale for my lego loving friends).  I was just blown away by them. 
10. Was reminded on how very blessed I am by my hard working hubby (works 40 hours a week or more depending on the time of year with a swing shift job) who when we need extra money will do odd jobs or sell things so that I can still homeschool, go to our homeschool co-op, and only work very part-time.

2015

1. Continue to declutter my house and keeping it clean.
2. Continue are my getting in better shape.  I want to be stronger and healthier and down to my final goal weight of 160 by my 40th birthday which is in 2017.
3. Be in the scriptures more this year.
4. Walk more.
5. Watch my oldest graduate High School.
6. Stay away from family drama as much as possible.
7. Try to make more closer local friends
8. As much as possible stay away from crazy.
9. Keep a better positive/negative attitude.  Yes a person has to be negative sometimes but not all the time.
10. Keep up on my reading and staying off the computer.

My goals are not big ones or ones that I will completely do this year (well one I will be able complete this year) but ones I can work on all year.

May the Lord bless you this year.

Update on my weight loss/getting healthier journey

Ok I haven't update in awhile on my health journey so here goes.  I have lost about 8 pounds since May.  Yeah I know not much but I am doing better with exercise and diet.  Thankfully all my blood work is good and I am healthy except some unseen health issues (not related to my weight one I have had for over 20 years).  I know its going to be struggle and will take time as I am post menopausal (I know for a 36 year old woman that's crazy but it is genetic) and have a low thyroid. Also I have a had stressful last couple months.  I know no excuses but I am learning.  Also I have to keep a mental hold that it is not going to be easy otherwise I have tendency to revert back to my anorexic days.  Yes I did say anorexic days see I was anorexic before I got pregnant with my oldest as soon as I found out I was pregnant with him I knew his health was more important than me being skinny and I started eating.  I still struggle with seeing my self 3 times bigger than I am so its a constant mental battle.  One thing that has been helping is getting back to my normal style which is odd in its own way but it makes me take the time and I have to work out some so my favorite clothes will fit correctly.  Also I want to be healthy for my family.  So anyway that's my health update.

Personal Post on My Health

Ok this is probable the most personal post I have ever written on this blog.  After walking the color run this last weekend, I have realized I really need to lose some weight. My thyroid is finally under control and I have no excuse.  Yes I know I am very busy but I need to get healthy again and do it as a lifestyle change not a fad diet.  I am very self conscience about my weight as I used to be an anorexic before I had my oldest (I still fight thinking I am much bigger than I am).  When I found out I was pregnant with him, I changed my habits to make sure he was healthy.  But now I know I am overweight/obese even though all my blood work is healthy.  I know I need to get into better shape for my family.  I know also that I have never shared a photo of myself on my blog but tonight I will now I am going to share my Color Run photo, with the Lord's help this will be my before photo. For my very few readers out there please help encourage me thru this journey as I know it will be tough.  But I pray that by this time next year I will have lost at least 15 pounds which will bring me back under 200lbs. My goal is to be back to a weight higher than I was when I got pregnant with my oldest but lighter than I was before my pregnancy with my youngest which will put me at a healthy weight for my height and bone structure.  I have hidden health issues that will not make this easy but I am going to work thru it.  I can only do this with God's grace and mercy.  So please remember to keep me in prayer while I do this change. So my changes will probable be a new post style I will be posting along with my normal book and rant posts.

This will be my before photo.

Easter/Resurrection Sunday Memory

As Easter/Resurrection Sunday approaches it always takes me back to 2010 spending Easter in ICU at Dorenbechers Hospital with my youngest son.  I almost even forgot it was Easter that day until I came into his room and seeing the Easter Basket that was left for him(Our oldest and I stayed the night before with my SIL while my DH stayed with our son).  Then the nurses came around letting us know that a church had brought Easter brunch for all the patients visitors and staff in ICU.  It almost made me cry as I usually cook for my family on the big dinners but that year I for some reason decided I did not want to put on a big dinner.  God knew where we would be that Easter.  I still remember being numb from the life flight him and I took the day before, its a feeling I have felt not felt since.  But this food I got to share with my SIL (my DH was in the ICU room with our son as one of us or a family member was always next to him) was such a blessing.  The love and care that this church (I never caught their name) gave to us parents and visitors in ICU was such a blessing.  What I did not know was at about the same time our Pastor at our home church was having the congregation praying for our son before the Easter Service.  The love we felt from all the people around us up there and back home (over 200 miles away) helped us so much during that time of not knowing what was going to happen one day to the next with our son. Even with all this stress we still had a funny thing happen that Easter.  DH and I went to the mall (DH's sister was willing to be with our  youngest in his hospital room so we could get a break together) to get our son some clothes that fit him better as the hospital outfits was too big for him.  Well when got there we found out that every thing was closed, well at first that confused us then we realized duh its Easter.  Ah good and bad memories.

Whats the point of this memory?  Well its this no matter what you may have plan for a holiday please hold them loosely because God might change them.  He has with us many of times as we have come to call Holiday's hospital days as we have had a lot of holiday emergency room visits and hospitalizations.  Remember to keep people in prayers this Easter that you don't see in church they may be at a hospital visiting or in the hospital with a friend or family member.  I still kept my thoughts on what Christ did for us even through all that during that Easter but its one I will never forget.  Christ is our strength and salvation we have done nothing to earn it. Life will not always be easy but remember what Jesus Christ has done for us this Easter/Resurrection Sunday.

Pain of Food Allergies

Warning this long.
Heartbreak.  The moment when your child starts crying in the doctor's office as some of his favorite foods are on his allergy testing list.  You have to be strong and try not to cry with him so he can see that mom knows we can get thru this together.  Those who know me I am not a crier take me too a sad movie and its doubtful I will cry even my family calls me cold-blooded at times.  For me to want to cry and have to hold it back is rare. So you know I was heart broken for my child.  My youngest was diagnosed on Tuesday with more food allergies.  The old ones are dairy, red and yellow food coloring.  The new ones are Wheat, Almonds, Soy, Chicken Eggs, Walnuts, Bananas, Cantaloupe, and Pumpkin.  My son  loves his Almond milk, eggs, and Bananas (it did not even dawn on him at first what all has wheat and soy in it).  I am already used to the great hunt for dairy free items but the new ones of wheat, soy, and eggs are the hard ones.  I don't live in an area where it is common to find everything I need in one store or to find the items at all.  Now I realize the 6 or 7 restaurants (not including only 2 fast food type places) that we used to be able to take him to in our county (yes I said county not city) we will not be able too, thankfully we rarely go out since we are trying to get out of debt and we have a tight budget we are not rich people. 

I know God has a wonderful plan for this child but its been heartbreaking to see the struggles he has had to go thru as a child.  Food allergies are just the tip of the iceberg.  He has had whooping cough as 3 month old, hospitalized 3 or 4 times prior to age 5 for rota virus and the common one dehydration.  He did not start talking (he was in occupational therapy starting at 2 that ended around 5 and speech therapy thru 1st grade) until about 3 when we took him off of Dairy to see if that would help with his stomach issues as he was too young to do the allergy testing at the time and as an infant he had problems when I ate some dairy products since I breast fed him.  Then on Christmas day of 2009 started the big downward spiral we had to call the ambulance as he was having breathing problems, a breathing treatment was done and then he got to come home.  Then in February I think of 2010 (Age 5) he got walking pneumonia.  Then two days before Easter he was life-flighted to the only children's hospital in our state (4 hours away) as his right lung was trying to collapse. That was an amazing testimony of God in that as during the flight I was calm and had a peace about the situation that I could not understand.  Also the song "Jesus Loves Me" holds a special place in my heart since when he was awake during the flight and ambulance ride he would move his oxygen mask and start singing it.  It turns out he has had severe asthma since he was born but it is a type that does not wheeze just a cough and the throat sucking in we did not know that he had it until the doctors at that hospital were able diagnose it after lots of tests. After that he only had to go back into a hospital once.  But he has been a human pin cushion with all the needles and I.V.'s he has had.  We started homeschooling him in 2011 to help with his health and we realized it was also helping with his learning as his attention span is not that great at times. With diet changes and the school changes it took us a couple years but he no longer has to take inhaler steroids daily.   I know there is kids out there that have gone thru worse but it still pains me to see what my youngest has gone thru as it is still more than most kids.    No I am not looking for sympathy I am just need to vent so I don't cry in front of him. 
When people first meet him they never suspect that this highly energized, loving and very huggy boy has been thru all this. If you seen his medical file, before they changed it to digital, you would know it as it was bigger than his 17 almost 18 year old brother who has had his own problems (a cracked hip). It is just hard.

His friends are sweet as some of them worry about if he can eat things they give him or I have had some even check the ingredients list for him. Also they make sure he is breathing ok even his big brother's girlfriend has caught his asthma acting up when he thought it was ok. Its usually adults that can be rude and think I am just a mean mom or his dad is mean.  Even once on the Max train in Portland during rush hour (the train was packed) he had to sleep as his lungs were worn out from a zoo trip. I had a lady give me some nasty looks like why I am not making my son give up his seat to others.  I know it probable was not right but I decided I was tired of it as he almost could not go to the zoo as the couple days before hand he had so many asthma attacks he almost went to the hospital again. I spoke kinda of loudly to my MIL and said something of the point of he was such a trooper he had quite a few treatments from his emergency inhaler that day and he still was able to walk the entire zoo trip and so now he needs to rest as not to make his lungs worse.  The lady looked at me with a look of ugh I didn't know and never looked our way again.  So please adults don't judge that child or parents that you see that is not doing or eating what you think he/she should be as you don't know whats going on in their life.

He is now almost 10 and this is another change in his life but I know he is strong and knows God has a plan for him. He is looking forward to trying new things well that's a family rule anyway.  If you have read this entire thing thank you and know most of my posts are not this long I just needed to vent.

Can laundry be a blessing?

I know a quick answer is yes of course it is, God provides us with clothing. But that's not what I was reflecting on today.

A little over 3 years ago, we almost lost our youngest (I know most of you know this but I bring it up a lot as reminder to people to never take for granted that your children will always be healthy and be with you until you die).  Anyway back to laundry.  See I never thought of laundry as a blessing just a never ending chore like dishes.  However when you are at a children's hospital almost 4 hours away living in a hospital room with your child you want something from your normal routine.  Our son was originally in ICU after being life-flighted from our home then was transferred to a regular room. Once they got his lungs stabilized (his right lung had started to collapse from undiagnosed severe asthma) we were able to leave his room as a couple without leaving his Aunt there with him (until then we made sure someone was always in his room with him).  We still only left him for 15 minutes or 30 if we went downstairs to have a quick meal.  Well one night we realized we must do laundry as we did not bring many clothes and could not afford to buy any.  Turns out the hospital has a laundry room for parents that are staying with their children. 

A hospital parent laundry room made life feel normal after watching our son being so sick.   We could visit like we were just at a laundry mat except when another set parents would come in you would look at each other and just know by their eyes that they have the same mutual understanding about the stress going on in yours and their lives right now.  The laundry room made us laugh which we had not been able to do much up until then.  It made us laugh as one of the washer got so off balanced that it reminded us of our first washer which someone had to sit on to keep it balanced (our oldest learned to read on that washer as a small child I would set him on it and give him a book to look at while it ran so he taught himself to read).  But as soon as we opened the door to the hallway we knew we were back at the hospital.  So yes laundry is a blessing it brought a since of normalcy to us during a time of trial.  Yes I still get annoyed by laundry and still can't stand putting away the clothes but I am thankful I can do it at my home now or at my local laundromat and not at a hospital.  The Lord is good!